Is that what they call turmoil? I'm not quite sure..but a lot of problems happened sooo fast, faster than i could take them in, was it test of strenght? Well, how did i do? I slept thru it, they were very hard and intense days but that wasn't what got to me, coz i can deal with bad situations, if there's anything i know, i know that shit happens...happens ALL the time. But it was listning to other ppl determine wats to happen to me that frustrated me soo much, it was like all my decsions depended on what others were planning to do..it's what i've been running from my whole life and suddenly crashed into...the inability to say i don't want to be here, i don't belong here. And sometimes i wonder, is my acceptance of the situation and trying to make the best out of it a sign of giving up, i don't think so...

It's just that with all the pressure, ur running outof energy to counter all the factors, especially when all the solutions seem to depend on someone else's prefrences...leaving u with sleepless nights. And that's not me. I met the most fascinating person before and asked him how come he's always in such a good mood and he was like "well, why have any worries u know?" And i don't worry coz i always take care of myself, i know what i want to do and do it, anything that concers me is all mine and things that are outside of my hands, don't concern me. You can't control everything but ur responsible for some. And giving up some of that control to circumstances, to others i can't see but are handling me..crushed me. The spirit was all gone.

But i'm better today, things are not great but their slowly taking an upward course and i hope that this is not just me seeing the cup half full instead like i always do. Right now, i'm focusing on my learning plan after things are half setteled and trying to do the best out of it.

So let's start rolling