Well it's just that i left and i wonder what's leaving? I know i left to come back with more but how do u allow more to come out of it and flow
It was not fear i overcame b4 i was thrown out, it was doubt i threw away b4 i jumped on that plane..then again i didn't exactly jump but slowly embraced every moment of the letting go. I thought it out but sluggishly not constructively. I knew whose going there and i knew what she wanted...the passion to live me and not my days. To grasp every oppourtunity realizng endless possibilities with my naughty eyes wide with that miscevious spark of bewilderment. Can life be that big and bigger? Can my world be that small?! I rule my own empire but does letting go of it mean i'm losing ground. I don't think so, not today at least. And then some lyrics just played out in my head " i'm a little king in a little world, got myself a little universe, i belive in me and i belive what i see, but i don't belive in u" and i could just see mmyself swaying to the tun in Cairo Jazz Club hanging on to the melody that i'm leaving behind.
Then i had a heightened respect to AIESEC values and visions...did i not want to live diversity? did i not want to strive for excellence, enjoy participation and activate leadership? What i wanted the most was to demonstrate integrity,,,to me and the world. That's when i realised the endless oppourinities @ offered to truely fullfill your potential wich drove me to the next question..where did i waste it all. Yes, i wasted soo much knowing i had to go a looong way to develop. But hpefully i'll get back on track.
The biggest realization i made which i previously thought was more of just a claim that i used to make but turned out to be veery true is that I LOVE TO BE ALONE!!! I don't think it's sad or pathetic that my best moments have been lived alone and i don't think that's alone cause i'm sharing them with me:) (i'll say it here again thu u all heard from me b4 but "I Love Me"!!). when i first arrived in NY a lot of people all unrelated like family and a freind from back home and an aiesecer received me and i guess that made me feel kinda safe and i had like a bazzillion questions for everyone from where to go to what to eat and all and it took me a while to grasp everything around me and i don't think i ever dii, i was soo excited and i love me when i'm bewildered and overthrown. Such a big city that it intimidates me but i had only to days and i was determined to see it all so my eyes where all set to get wider than ever. I woke up sooo early it was still dark outside but everyone who knows me know how much i value my mornings, top productivity and they belong to no one else but ME! lol! So i hit the big apple streets all by myself, got a subway map and walked from central park to tie square and greenwhich village and it was the best time i ever had, y? cause i had the time to take it all in at my own pace. Then i met up with another aiescer who is simply AMAZING..she took my all around china town and the villages but by the end of the day i was exhausted but i love how the thrill always managed to beat the exhaustion till i was toataaly worn ot..i'm a little fighter i guess. i thought i'd just rest in the apartment for a while then have a wild night out but when my freinds tried to wake me up i wouldn't even open up the door..they say i looked like i was on smthng. The next day i also woke around 5 a.m and of caurse i hit the streets alone again but its strange how u think ur going to be doing one thing and end up in a completly different place with ppl u never knew u'd run into cause i was at the bus staion when this guy called yousef just came up and said hi and we spent the rest of the da together till we met up with the others..he's amazing. we did some more sight seeing till i was completly beat.. the funny thing was that one of the guys that i was with asked me how i ld i am and when i said 19 he wouldn't belive t..ppl usually think i'm MUCH younger, but i guess i grew up soo or maybe matured in a matter of days...
I'll go now even though i want to write more 9yes i have more to say, u don't have too read it if it's too long for u ) but i'm too tired but what i want to say is, thu its mental challenges i seek..u never know whose the challenge really? it's not strange..it's just different
It was not fear i overcame b4 i was thrown out, it was doubt i threw away b4 i jumped on that plane..then again i didn't exactly jump but slowly embraced every moment of the letting go. I thought it out but sluggishly not constructively. I knew whose going there and i knew what she wanted...the passion to live me and not my days. To grasp every oppourtunity realizng endless possibilities with my naughty eyes wide with that miscevious spark of bewilderment. Can life be that big and bigger? Can my world be that small?! I rule my own empire but does letting go of it mean i'm losing ground. I don't think so, not today at least. And then some lyrics just played out in my head " i'm a little king in a little world, got myself a little universe, i belive in me and i belive what i see, but i don't belive in u" and i could just see mmyself swaying to the tun in Cairo Jazz Club hanging on to the melody that i'm leaving behind.
Then i had a heightened respect to AIESEC values and visions...did i not want to live diversity? did i not want to strive for excellence, enjoy participation and activate leadership? What i wanted the most was to demonstrate integrity,,,to me and the world. That's when i realised the endless oppourinities @ offered to truely fullfill your potential wich drove me to the next question..where did i waste it all. Yes, i wasted soo much knowing i had to go a looong way to develop. But hpefully i'll get back on track.
The biggest realization i made which i previously thought was more of just a claim that i used to make but turned out to be veery true is that I LOVE TO BE ALONE!!! I don't think it's sad or pathetic that my best moments have been lived alone and i don't think that's alone cause i'm sharing them with me:) (i'll say it here again thu u all heard from me b4 but "I Love Me"!!). when i first arrived in NY a lot of people all unrelated like family and a freind from back home and an aiesecer received me and i guess that made me feel kinda safe and i had like a bazzillion questions for everyone from where to go to what to eat and all and it took me a while to grasp everything around me and i don't think i ever dii, i was soo excited and i love me when i'm bewildered and overthrown. Such a big city that it intimidates me but i had only to days and i was determined to see it all so my eyes where all set to get wider than ever. I woke up sooo early it was still dark outside but everyone who knows me know how much i value my mornings, top productivity and they belong to no one else but ME! lol! So i hit the big apple streets all by myself, got a subway map and walked from central park to tie square and greenwhich village and it was the best time i ever had, y? cause i had the time to take it all in at my own pace. Then i met up with another aiescer who is simply AMAZING..she took my all around china town and the villages but by the end of the day i was exhausted but i love how the thrill always managed to beat the exhaustion till i was toataaly worn ot..i'm a little fighter i guess. i thought i'd just rest in the apartment for a while then have a wild night out but when my freinds tried to wake me up i wouldn't even open up the door..they say i looked like i was on smthng. The next day i also woke around 5 a.m and of caurse i hit the streets alone again but its strange how u think ur going to be doing one thing and end up in a completly different place with ppl u never knew u'd run into cause i was at the bus staion when this guy called yousef just came up and said hi and we spent the rest of the da together till we met up with the others..he's amazing. we did some more sight seeing till i was completly beat.. the funny thing was that one of the guys that i was with asked me how i ld i am and when i said 19 he wouldn't belive t..ppl usually think i'm MUCH younger, but i guess i grew up soo or maybe matured in a matter of days...
I'll go now even though i want to write more 9yes i have more to say, u don't have too read it if it's too long for u ) but i'm too tired but what i want to say is, thu its mental challenges i seek..u never know whose the challenge really? it's not strange..it's just different
