Remembering the tin man..
On somedays, i cannot sleep. But i would be half awake all day. Those who know me know how i day dream almost all the time, my involvement in conversation is usually limited because for the bigger part, i would be tendering some past illusion, setting up a different scene where i would be saying different words, words i have rehearsed many times. I was half dead most of the time. It left little of me to encounter the rest of this surrounding, i had my surrounding idea thu it was not much.
I acknowledged the need to let go of my pain. I endured pain no matter how significant or insignificant it may be. I realise now that the more i lock it up far away, the more it draws me away from reality becoming my barrier from the realiness i live without facing.
Now each morning, i remember bits of me that were dropped, the void that was created and i tender them. I will go slowly, breathing it out on my own, at my own pace.
I realize now that i never had any real connections with people. And i truely do mean never thu some of short vs long time spans came close enuf..i think i will lead the rest of the way alone, i know i might be missing out on the real reasons of life but i can't bring myself to speak to another again. I don't see it happening.
I see you walking with a smile sometimes, and it makes me smile. We smile together from different spaces where each was born to live. And the widening space will push another to dissapearance. I wonder who goes first?
On somedays, i cannot sleep. But i would be half awake all day. Those who know me know how i day dream almost all the time, my involvement in conversation is usually limited because for the bigger part, i would be tendering some past illusion, setting up a different scene where i would be saying different words, words i have rehearsed many times. I was half dead most of the time. It left little of me to encounter the rest of this surrounding, i had my surrounding idea thu it was not much.
I acknowledged the need to let go of my pain. I endured pain no matter how significant or insignificant it may be. I realise now that the more i lock it up far away, the more it draws me away from reality becoming my barrier from the realiness i live without facing.
Now each morning, i remember bits of me that were dropped, the void that was created and i tender them. I will go slowly, breathing it out on my own, at my own pace.
I realize now that i never had any real connections with people. And i truely do mean never thu some of short vs long time spans came close enuf..i think i will lead the rest of the way alone, i know i might be missing out on the real reasons of life but i can't bring myself to speak to another again. I don't see it happening.
I see you walking with a smile sometimes, and it makes me smile. We smile together from different spaces where each was born to live. And the widening space will push another to dissapearance. I wonder who goes first?
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